These days I spend all week looking forward to the weekend. But then I get to the weekend.. And then I spend all weekend looking forward to the next week. And the cycle goes on and on and on and on and on and on and I really fucking hate it.

I still have little to no motivation. I havent worked out in our home (garage) gym in over a week. I only went on one bike ride last week. I did go for a run for the first time in like.. two months which was partially because I am like 98% certain I broke my foot at the end of Feb/start of March. The run went suprisingly well, but then my foot started hurting again.. so I guess it will be another week or two before I should try to run again. The only real physical activity I do consistently is my active flexibility classes (Hi Tiffany!). They are also the only real structure or consistent like.. routine I have (I have no routine besides doing those classes twice a week).

I think having an actual routine might help..but again, no motivation. Maybe if I write down some rough routine here I could stick to it. Can’t hurt to give it a try right?

8 AM Wake Up 9 AM Breakfast & Tea & Work 11 AM Work out (except not active flex days), Shower, & Lunch 12:30 PM Work 3 PM Walk (weather permitting of course) 4 PM Work

That would be so much better than my current lack of routine. Any sort of consistency would be spectacular. I dunno. We’ll see. I can’t really get any worse I guess.

Was thinking about maybe setting like.. one or two small goals for the day and seeing if that helps with motivation? I dunno. That might be something to hold off on till I actually get a routine down. Don’t want to set too many expectations and then disappoint myself when I do none of them.. which is definitely a pattern of the last few weeks. I want to accomplish some thing, I don’t do it or fail to meet that expectation and then I get upset with myself and sink a little lower mentally than I was at before and also have a little less willingness to set a goal and a little less willpower to do the thing.

Things I have baked to help abate the general anxiety:

  • Lemon & Raspberry Bundt with a Raspberry Glaze (vegan)
  • Chai Scones with a Cinnamon Glaze (vegan)
  • Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
  • Crumpets (accidentally vegan)
  • Sourdough Bread Loaf (thanks for the starter Rosie!) x2
  • Sourdough Cheese Crackers
  • Sourdough Pretzels
  • Apple Crisp
  • Sourdough Waffles
  • Tunnel of Fudge Cake
  • Sourdough Cardamom Cinnamon Rolls

Things on my list to bake:

  • Brittany Butter Cake
  • Cupcakes of some sort
  • Lemon Blueberry Cake (bought the stuff to do it and then lost motivation)
  • English Muffins
  • Chocolate Souffle
  • Triple Berry Pie

Still need to do something with the discard after I feed the starter this week (normally its a Sunday project, but.. you guessed it, no motivation).

I kinda wonder if anyone actually reads this. I can only think of maybe four people that I sent the website to ever. I kinda feel like I am just talking to an empty room and I probably am. Which is fine I guess. I just wondered.

-Kendall

P.S. Sorry about no post last week. I thought about it a few times, but never actually got down to doing it and as you may have guessed, disappointed myself for breaking the lovely weekly cadence I was building. Maybe this is me getting back on track?

Background images from Subtle Patterns (Subtle Patterns) / CC BY-SA 3.0

Getting anything done this week has been ridiculously hard. I don’t know what is so different from last week..but its harder.

I feel a bit like I am stuck in limbo, which is probably true of many people. Not just me. I feel like I am just.. waiting.. indefinitely.

I keep wanting to be productive if not at work than doing something physically active- going for a run or bike ride or using the home gym- but I can’t bring myself to do that even. I have no idea what changed.

I keep half planning trips and stopping because who knows when it will actually happen?

I keep being like, ‘maybe I will do X this weekend…oh.. wait..I should stay home.’ Its been over a month now and we have AT LEAST three more weeks…till they extend the stay at home order again.

I really want to hope that by June I can go on a trip somewhere..but I kinda worry it will be July or August by the time I can go somewhere more than like.. 5 miles away.. and not in a car..

I used to feel like I lived in airports. I didn’t hate it, but man did I take that for granted. I would KILL to have a reason to need to go and be in the airport. I don’t even care about the destination. I just want to be going somewhere.

Things I have baked to help abate the general anxiety:

  • Lemon & Raspberry Bundt with a Raspberry Glaze (vegan)
  • Chai Scones with a Cinnamon Glaze (vegan)
  • Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
  • Crumpets (accidentally vegan)
  • Sourdough Bread Loaf (thanks for the starter Rosie!)
  • Sourdough Cheese Crackers
  • Sourdough Pretzels
  • Apple Crisp
  • Sourdough Waffles
  • Tunnel of Fudge Cake

Things on my list to bake:

  • Brittany Butter Cake
  • Cupcakes of some sort
  • Lemon Blueberry Cake
  • English Muffins
  • Chocolate Souffle
  • Triple Berry Pie
  • Cardamom Cinnamon Rolls

Also I just spent almost $100 on baking mixes from a couple different places.. Because you know.. I’m not baking enough as it is.

-Kendall

P.S. Microwave Update: Fuse didn’t work either so we said fuck it and and bought a different new microwave, one that had the vent and light stuff it needs for being mounted above the range. Taking down the old one and putting up the new one was quite the adventure but we now have that all done and the ‘temporary’ microwave we had on the counter is now living in the garage until we need it again.

Background images from Subtle Patterns (Subtle Patterns) / CC BY-SA 3.0

In general I feel like I am saving money by being home. I don’t go out to eat (we do takeout on $food_delivery_service on occasion now). I don’t work from coffeeshops. I don’t drive as much so there’s less gas to pay for.

But then I bought a $900 bike & various accoutrements.

My OTF membership has been put on hold along with the soccer season and so I don’t have to pay for either of those.

Then I bought a pole for $400 and had to cancel a trip to London and couldn’t get all of what I pre-paid for accomodations back. So that was like.. another $600 out the door.

I wonder if I will actually end up with more or less money by the end of this.

Things I have baked to help abate the general anxiety:

  • Lemon & Raspberry Bundt with a Raspberry Glaze (vegan)
  • Chai Scones with a Cinnamon Glaze (vegan)
  • Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
  • Crumpets (accidentally vegan)
  • Sourdough Bread Loaf (thanks for the starter Rosie!)
  • Sourdough Cheese Crackers
  • Sourdough Pretzels
  • Apple Crisp

Things on my list to bake:

  • Brittany Butter Cake
  • Cupcakes of some sort
  • Lemon Blueberry Cake
  • English Muffins
  • Chocolate Souffle
  • Triple Berry Pie
  • Cardamom Cinnamon Rolls

They’ve exteded the stay at home order till May. Sooo..more baking.

-Kendall

P.S. Those microwave parts we were waiting on showed up finally. We put replaced the old parts in the microwave and it didn’t work. Did some voltmeter testing and have concluded that a fuse is blown. Whether that was the original issue or not remains to be seen, but we are now waiting on a fuse..

Background images from Subtle Patterns (Subtle Patterns) / CC BY-SA 3.0

So this will basically be week 3 of the advised shelter in place and week 2 of the actual shelter in place ordinace.

We’ve slowly put a gym together. I bought a bike and have gone for a few rides. Thats definitely all helped but its not the same. I miss OrangeTheory. I miss my pole classes. I miss my soccer team.

The weather has sucked. IT HAILED TODAY. HAIL. How am I supposed to walk or bike outside to retain what’s left of my sanity if its HAILING?

I really really wish we were getting into summer already so we could have some more consistent sun. Any time there is sun EVERYONE goes out which is totally understandable even though we arent supposed to.. I do and I definitely don’t judge anyone that does. I do my best to keep my distance from people when I go out, but not everyone does.

I wish people could just wash their hands and cover their mouths and follow the stupid rules so we can flatten the stupid curve and go back to normal.. but I realize that things may not ever actually go back to how they were before and that though scares the absolute shit out of me.

More than another month of this scares the absolute shit out of me.

I had a trip planned to go to London at the end of April.. I am guessing that will need to get cancelled.

I wanted to buy a pole for more indoor things to do but they are out of stock on one of the pieces I need :’(

Thankfully I do have two flexibility classes a week.. and our little gym in the garage.. and the bike. I know thats more than a lot of people have and I am thankful.

Still very scared though.

Things I have baked to help abate the general anxiety:

  • Lemon & Raspberry Bundt with a Raspberry Glaze (vegan)
  • Chai Scones with a Cinnamon Glaze (vegan)
  • Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies
  • Crumpets (accidentally vegan)
  • Sourdough Bread Loaf (thanks for the starter Rosie!)

…if the weather doesn’t get better soon I am going to get so fat.

Things on my list to bake:

  • Brittany Butter Cake
  • Cupcakes of some sort or another
  • Lemon Blueberry Cake
  • Crackers
  • English Muffins
  • Chocolate Souffle
  • Apple Crisp
  • Triple Berry Pie

We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

-Kendall

P.S. Bought a microwave a few days ago and the parts for the old one still, very surprisingly, have not shown up. We can now reheat things without pots now though so thats nice. I AM SO THANKFUL TO NOT HAVE TO ENDLESSLY WASH THE SAME TWO POTS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Background images from Subtle Patterns (Subtle Patterns) / CC BY-SA 3.0

Day 16.. Not of quaratine like many people are writing about these days, but day 16 waiting for parts for the microwave. We have a fancy microwave that is mounted above the stove and has the lights and exhaust all built into it and it does a bunch of other magic too. It has a soften butter setting which I made a lot of use of given that I like to bake.. a lot. SO. Not having a microwave for 16+ days (it took me about a week of putting things in the microwave and realzing that wasn’t gonna work before I finally overcame the laziness and made an appointment for GE to come out and take a look. So its really been more like.. a month with no microwave. The guy came, said that one of the three control panels was bad (and that he didn’t know which it was) and that they could ship us the parts so we could fix it ourselves and that it would be cheaper than him coming back to do it himself. We are savvy enough that we figured this wouldn’t be a problem and so far it hasn’t been. BECAUSE WE ARE STILL WAITING FOR THE PARTS 16 DAYS LATER.

I cannot tell you how many times we have almost bought an cheap microwave. Basically any trip to a hardware store, target, or anywhere else that sells them.. We’ve come close. But I JUST KNOW, that the second we buy one, the damn parts will arrive.

In the mean time, reheating things on the stove and in the microwave oven has been our MO for not eating cold food. Lordy have I never washed a pot so many times in one week.

What else is new in my life since my last post was literally years ago? I’m living in Washington. Living in a house instead of an apartment which is nice. I joined a soccer team. I ran a bunch of 5k and 10ks.. I have been taking pole classes and flexibility classes.. At least until all of that was taken away by the stupid virus. Seriously people, you should have been covering your mouths and washing your hands this whole time. It shouldn’t be a new thing. I really really hope all this clears up soon though. I am getting bored enough to blog. That’s not a great sign. Or maybe it is for anyone that needs more content to read? I dunno.

Maybe this will be a daily thing now? (LOL, probably not, but maybe.. but probably not).

-Kendall

Background images from Subtle Patterns (Subtle Patterns) / CC BY-SA 3.0